(Non-Corny) Quotes for Every Occasion

About a year ago, I went on this kick of reading quotes. I decided that I wanted to have a personal mantra of some sort (aside from “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst”) so I scoured the interwebs for something deep that someone important said sometime.

Despite my intentions, the first quote that I found that really struck a chord for me was this one:

Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all.”
– Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto 

What would we every do without Lemony Snicket (a.k.a. David Handler) to talk some sense into us?

As it turned out, most of my quote preferences were of the more irreverent, dry, and/or humorous nature. Still, I think many of them are somewhat “deep” or “meaningful” anyways. At the very least, I found them all relatable and/or hilarious.

Quotes About Worrying

“I’m scared of everything. And I’m crazy. Like maybe you think I’m a little crazy, but I only ever let people see the tip of my crazy iceberg. Underneath this veneer of slightly crazy and socially inept, I’m a complete disaster.”
– Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you.”
– Rita Mae Brown

“My anxieties have anxieties.”
– Charlie Brown (as written by Charles M. Schulz

Quotes About Love

“I love you more than I hate everything else.”
– Rainbow Rowell, Landline

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
– Will Ferrell

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.”
– David Sedaris

Quotes About Success

“Success is measured in output of value, not input of effort.”
– Tyler Tervooren

“I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it’s relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?”
– Jarod Kintz

“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
– Sheng Wang

“Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.”
– Tina Fey, Bossypants

“When things don’t go right, go left”
– Lemony Snicket

Quotes About Writing

“Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them. There’s many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.”
– Flannery O’Connor

“The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.”
– Robert Benchley

“Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn’t it such a relief to have somebody say that?”
– Kurt Vonnegut

Quotes About Morality

“Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike.”
– Oscar Wilde

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
– Voltaire

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And finally, the most important quote of them all:

“Beware of advice—even this.”
– Carl Sandburg

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